Introduction.
To make friends as an adult can feel like trying to learn a new language without a textbook.
The structured environments of school and college that once facilitated natural friendships are long gone.
This leaves many adults wondering how to forge meaningful connections in an increasingly disconnected world.
According to Dr. Marisa Franco, a psychologist and friendship expert at the University of Maryland,
“The biggest barrier to making friends as an adult is the misconception that everyone else already has their friend groups established.”
In her groundbreaking book “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends,” Franco emphasizes that 63% of adults actively seek new friendships but assume others aren’t interested in new connections.
Let’s explore ten research-backed, expert-approved strategies to help you expand your social circle and build lasting friendships in adulthood.
1. Embrace the Psychology of Reciprocity.
The foundation of making friends as an adult lies in understanding the psychological principle of reciprocity.
Dr Robert Cialdini, author of “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion,” explains that humans are naturally wired to return favours and maintain balanced relationships.
How to Apply This:
– Take the initiative to invite people for coffee or lunch
– Share personal stories to encourage others to open up
– Offer genuine compliments and support
– Follow up on conversations and show consistent interest
According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, self-disclosure increases likability and accelerates friendship formation.
The study found that sharing personal experiences creates a “vulnerability loop” that strengthens social bonds.
2. Leverage Your Existing Interests.
One of the most organic ways to make friends as an adult is through shared interests.
Dr Gillian Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Essex, notes that “Common interests provide natural conversation starters and repeated opportunities for interaction, two crucial elements in friendship formation.”
Practical Steps:
– Join local clubs or groups related to your hobbies
– Participate in community sports leagues
– Attend workshops or classes in areas that interest you
– Use platforms like Meetup.com to find interest-based gatherings
Research from the University of Kansas suggests it takes approximately 50 hours of shared experience to move from acquaintance to casual friend, highlighting the importance of consistent interaction through shared activities.
3. Harness the Power of Digital Platforms.
While traditional friendship-making methods remain valuable, technology has opened new avenues for connection.
Dr Shasta Nelson, a friendship expert and author of “Frientimacy, advocates using digital platforms as a starting point for real-world connections.
Recommended Platforms and Strategies:
– Bumble BFF for friendship-focused connections
– Facebook Groups for local community engagement
– NextDoor for neighbourhood connections
– Meetup for interest-based gatherings
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 57% of adults have made meaningful friendships through online platforms—the success rate increases when online connections transition to offline meetings within two weeks.
4. Create Routine Touchpoints.
Dr. Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas emphasizes the importance of regular interaction in friendship formation.
His research indicates consistency is more important than intensity when building lasting friendships.
Ways to Create Regular Interaction:
– Join a weekly exercise class
– Become a regular at local establishments
– Participate in recurring community events
– Schedule standing lunch dates with potential friends
Studies show that proximity and repeated exposure increase liking and friendship potential, known as the “mere exposure effect.”
5. Practice Active Listening.
The art of listening is crucial in forming adult friendships.
Dr. John Gottman, the renowned relationship researcher, states that successful relationships are built on a foundation of attention and response.
Key Listening Techniques:
– Maintain eye contact
– Ask follow-up questions
– Remember important details
– Avoid interrupting or immediately sharing similar experiences
Research from Harvard Business School shows that asking questions, particularly follow-up questions, increases liking and deepens connections in social interactions.
6. Volunteer for Causes You Care About.
Volunteering benefits the community and creates opportunities for meaningful connections.
Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology at Brigham Young University, notes that helping others triggers the release of oxytocin, facilitating social bonding.
Volunteering Opportunities:
– Local food banks
– Animal shelters
– Environmental organizations
– Community outreach programs
A study in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that volunteers report higher social connection and life satisfaction levels than non-volunteers.
7. Utilize Your Professional Network.
When approached thoughtfully, work relationships can evolve into meaningful friendships.
Dr. Nancy Rothbard, a professor at the Wharton School, emphasizes the importance of maintaining professional boundaries while cultivating workplace friendships.
Strategies for Professional Networking:
– Join professional associations
– Attend industry conferences
– Participate in company social events
– Organize lunch-and-learn sessions
Research from LinkedIn shows that 46% of professionals worldwide believe that friends at work are important to their happiness.
8. Embrace Solo Activities.
Counterintuitively, engaging in solo activities can lead to friendship opportunities.
Dr Bella DePaulo, social scientist and author, argues that solo activities can make you more approachable and create natural conversation starters.
Solo Activities with Social Potential:
– Reading at local cafes
– Taking yourself to restaurants
– Attending cultural events alone
– Traveling solo
Studies show that people who engage in solo activities are perceived as more confident and approachable, increasing their chances of social interaction.
9. Join or Start a Social Club.
Creating structured social opportunities increases the likelihood of forming friendships.
Dr. Nicholas Epley from the University of Chicago found that people consistently underestimate others’ interest in connecting.
Ideas for Social Clubs:
– Book clubs
– Dinner clubs
– Walking groups
– Game nights
Research indicates that structured social activities provide the perfect balance of comfort and novelty for friendship formation.
10. Practice Social Courage.
To Make friends as an adult requires stepping out of your comfort zone.
Dr. Marisa Franco emphasizes that “friendship formation requires social courage – the willingness to risk rejection for the possibility of connection.”
Ways to Build Social Courage:
– Start small conversations with strangers
– Accept invitations even when feeling uncertain
– Share personal stories and experiences
– Follow up with potential friends
Studies show that people who practice social courage experience increased social success and decreased anxiety over time.
The Science Behind Friendship Formation.
Understanding the science behind friendship can help adults approach relationship-building more strategically.
Dr Robin Dunbar, evolutionary psychologist at Oxford University, describes several layers of friendship:
– Inner circle (3-5 close friends)
– Sympathy group (12-15 friends)
– Active network (50 meaningful connections)
– Extended network (150 total social connections)
This research suggests that adults should focus on quality over quantity when building friendships.
Common Challenges and Solutions.
To also make friends as an adult comes with unique challenges. Here’s how to overcome common obstacles:
Time Constraints:
– Schedule friend activities during routine tasks
– Use lunch breaks for social connection
– Combine exercise with socializing
Fear of Rejection:
– Remember that others are seeking friendship too
– Start with low-stakes interactions
– Focus on the process rather than outcomes
Geographic Limitations:
– Use virtual meetups as a starting point
– Join online communities with local chapters
– Plan regular visits to nearby cities
Maintaining New Friendships.
Once you’ve made new friends, maintaining these relationships requires intentional effort. Dr. Shasta Nelson identifies three requirements for lasting friendships:
1. Consistency
2. Vulnerability
3. Positivity
Research shows that successful adult friendships require a balance of these elements, with regular contact being particularly crucial in the early stages.
Conclusion.
To make friends as an adult is both an art and a science.
You can create meaningful friendships at any age by implementing these ten strategies and understanding the research behind social connection.
Remember Dr. Franco’s wisdom: “The people who succeed at making friends aren’t necessarily the most charismatic – they’re the most persistent.”
Take the first step today by choosing one strategy from this guide and implementing it. The journey to meaningful friendship begins with a single connection.
Read Also: Building Better Connections: 12 Social Skills for Teenagers.
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References and Further Reading:
– “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends” by Dr. Marisa Franco
– “Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness” by Shasta Nelson
– “Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect” by Dr. Matthew Lieberman
– Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
– Harvard Business Review’s research on workplace relationships
– Oxford University’s Dunbar’s Number studies
